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The Nightmares next door

August 12, 2019



Whilst I sit here and watch one of those typical TV documentaries about neighbours terrorising their street I am scoffing at the levels of their plight. Yes, some of the people I am watching on here are absolutely horrendous but I definitely think some of my previous neighbours deserve a space in their own special hall of shame. Please see in no particular order my list of The Nightmares Next Door:

The man who loved karaoke 

 

As far as bad neighbours go this guy was quite tame. This was my neighbour whilst living in a flat near Golders Green and he LOVED karaoke. Boy did I know it. I especially knew it at 3am whilst he sang ballads alone. In hindsight I should have knocked on his door and become his friend.

 

The rockband guy

 

This POC lived above me in halls and played the drums all the time. That’s it.

 


Mr Vista

 

When I was 19 I lived for a few months in a house in Norwich. The walls were thin and every morning we could hear them firing up windows Vista (which was out of date then and definitely not the best wake up call).

 


The burglars

 

To be fair I’m not sure I’m in more mad at the people that burgled us, the drug dealer downstairs who was clearly friends with them, or my landlord who insinuated I was to blame for living there full stop.

 


The DJ (London)
The DJ (Suffolk)

 


Weird jailbreak lady

 

So a few years back I lived in a building next to a very, erm, curious character. I had wondered for a while if my mail had gone next door and so went round to enquire. Let’s just say that when I knocked the door it just swung open and where a cat flap was there was just a hole. What sounded like a Boxer dog barked loudly and I pegged it back to my flat. 

 


The garbage burners 

 

These wonderful people lived opposite jailbreak lady and would burn their household waste in their garden every Monday evening without fail.

 


The communal tippers 

 

A family living above me that would leave crap in the stairwell including (but not limited to) a mattress, a wire dropping down 3 flights of stairs, a Dyson, their dogs hair, the stench of weed and lastly the sound of their Alsatian running up an down the stairs at hourly intervals until roughly 11pm.


And last but certainly not least


The bad chilli peppers tribute band

 

At least I think that’s what they were playing. I’m not sure. There was a lot of bass and definitely the bongos.
 

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