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How to raise kittens and retain your sanity

August 17, 2017

 

 

Meet Floyd; he's cute right? For anyone considering buying kittens I implore you to reconsider. Aside from the obvious benefits to adopting a cat and saving it from a lifetime of homelessness and destitution you will also save yourself the trauma that I am currently enduring at the hands of these feline menaces:

 

Now don’t get me wrong. When you first get your kitten you will melt at their incredible cuteness and absolute devotion to you as their new mumma. This doesn’t last. True, on the surface they will remain cute, but there is a whole world of devilish sorcery going on in those tiny minds waiting for a chance to reveal itself and make your life a living misery.

The first thing that will begin to grind away at your soul is their need to join you in every room of the house. I can now sympathise with new mothers; say goodbye to ever pooping alone. Want to drink your coffee in peace? Sorry friend there’s a cat’s face in it now. Is that the sound of crashing plates on the draining board I hear, or the sound of my laundry being attacked and dragged across the living room?

 

And this is just the beginning. We haven't even entered the realm of litter trays yet.  Yep, that wonderful box of poop that you have to wretch and contend with until they are old enough to be set free outside to go and ruin your garden. Kittens just love kicking litter on the floor, missing the box and sometimes even going in an empty box. That’s right, if you are changing your litter tray ensure that you put new litter in before you go out to the trash - that 20 second window is prime kitty toilet time.

 

I have never gone through so many antibacterial wipes in my entire time on this Earth, however with the help of Pinterest I have been able to find some possible solutions to some of these problems. Citronella helps to repel those four-legged antichrists from anywhere that you don't want them to go. A bottle full of pennies will work at making them do you bidding instead of screaming like a fish wife and crying into a pillow. These are possible solutions to retaining my sanity over the remaining month of their house arrest and hopefully any house guests will not be deterred by the fact that a muttering, citrus scented, blonde woman is wandering around the house shaking a pot of pennies.

For any new cat mothers my advice on how to raise kittens and retain your sanity: find other cat mothers, drink wine and wait it out together. For any prospective cat owners; adopt a fully grown kitty cat who needs love and a family, or better yet; get a dog.

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