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10 Signs You're An OLD Millennial

May 6, 2017

1. You still use Twitter
The type of social media you use could clearly help determine whether you are an 'old' millennial or not. On a recent trip to Amsterdam I met a 22 year old dutch guy who was stunned that I still used Twitter. He said that they no longer used it there and that Snapchat and Instagram were the young twenty-somethings social platforms of choice. To be honest this guy doesn't have a Facebook and therefore I severely judge most of what he says - it is today's equivalent of making yourself ex-directory.

 

2. You know what 'ex-directory' means

You also still own your Nokia 3210 in a purely non-ironic sense. Those texts from 12 years ago might still be important OK?

 

3.'Mainstream' is now 'indie' and 'indie' is now 'mainstream'

This is kind of an obvious one. But I must say it came as a shock when a teenager told me that they listen to The Streets and that Mike Skinner now fell into the 'indie' category. My partner once gave him a goldfish at a halls party in Norwich (true story). Regardless, I now understand how my parents must have felt after I watched Donnie Darko and subsequently began listening to Tears for Fears and Duran Duran.

4. You still eat like a piece of garbage

'Young' millennials and those that fall into generation 'Z' are increasingly eating healthier. However (and I speak purely from experience not from statistics) 'Old' millennials have yet to really get on board with this and we would still pass up a green smoothie in favour of McDonalds Monopoly or a giant block of cheese. Who can blame us? We were a generation that had turkey twizzlers (RIP) and ice cream vans parking outside our schools during lunch break.
 

 

 

5. You are creating your own opportunities

My nan once told me how she would go to a job in the morning, decide that she didn't like it and then would start a new job after lunch. This is a baffling concept to most people within my (the 'old' millennial) age group. Unless you are lucky enough to walk out of your degree into a job or work towards an apprenticeship for pennies then it is increasingly hard to find a job that offers you a good wage, stability and benefits such as health insurance or a steady pension. More 'old' millennials are going down the route of creating their own success by starting blogs or start-ups as a way of making more money on their own terms. 

6. You can now recognise a classic look as opposed to a fashion trend

These eyebrows are remaining relatively untouched thank you. I am not going to be looking back on photographs of myself in my late twenties with giant slugs plastered across my face - though there may be a Snapchat dog filter on there. Take a leaf from Audrey Hepburn and Bridgette Bardot's looks and stay ~klassy~.

7. You have gone from being able to afford to live in London to not being able to afford living in London.

Many of you may have moved back to the suburban hills from whence you came. Some of you will be back with your parents, sobbing over the property pages of your local newspaper. In the late 2000's it was still feasible for someone with dreams of fame and fortune to go live in London for pittance and plug away at their art/blog/band whilst still being able to afford rent and 4p noodles from Sainsburys. Those days are gone: noodles now cost 30p, rent is astronomical and your Cass Art supplies haven't been used in about 7 years.

 

8. Nothing beats an 'Emoticon'

Everybody loves emoji; the 'poo' emoji, the 'aubergine' emoji. People are buying them as cushions and t-shirts as if their predecessors never existed. Well I for one am a solid advocate for the MSN emoticon. I have never quite been able to replicate the same side-eye or confused look and when the person I am talking to stops paying attention I am no longer able to make their page shake through 'nudging' it. Can we start up a petition to bring back MSN Messenger and the creative licence that an emo 'away' status gave us?

 

9. You feel like you are starting to 'loose touch'

I could no longer tell you who the most current Youtube vloggers are except from Zoella (who I stumbled upon through an advert) and the classic Youtubers such as Jenna Marbles and Shane Dawson. Also I have absolutely no idea what kids these days call themselves; do emos, goths and chavs still exist in a non-ironic sense? Does everyone now listen to rap? I had to ask my hairdresser yesterday how to pronounce balayage and what on Earth it was. Adulthood is washing over me and there are now four plants on my windowsill. I own a breadmaker.

 

10. You realise that the failing housing market, economic crisis and general lack of financial prospects for your generation mean that you very much live in the now and that that can't be an entirely bad thing.

 

 


 

 

 

 

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